Marriage is over-rated. Seriously over-rated. We give it way too much importance, without even stopping to think about what it actually is. There is a very obvious reason why the institution of marriage is crumbling down these days, in the face of gender empowerment. Marriage is a tool of patriarchy; it is one of the last remaining bastions of an ancient obsolete and utterly useless tradition.

Yet, the majority of human beings in the world hold tight to the concept and practice of marriage as if it is the most important event in one's life. This regardless of the person's gender. Even women (or maybe even more so than men) give marriage a sanctity that it really does not deserve. Of course, more often than not, these same people are the ones who hold firm to the idea that one particular gender is superior than the other. There are still people who even believe in celibacy till their wedding days. Never mind that. What is crucial at this point is for us to try and objectively study the whole idea of marriage for what it really is.

The first thing to note, and probably most importantly, is that marriage a purely human construct. An institution that was put in place for a particular purpose, a long long time ago. Essentially, it was our way of telling others that the couple in question are somehow bonded to each other in an extra-social manner. It is a glorified public announcement that a woman now belongs to a particular man. Fidelity, although outwardly expected of both the husband and the wife, is more forcibly applicable upon the wife, in many societies across time and place. The institution, like many others, is evidence of the rise of the materialistic and property-based societies; groups of people living together, requiring a sense of order and more importantly control over the rest. Marriage is a perfect way of sealing deals, setting up a home, creating new power relationships, etc. back then, wives were treated like property; marriage is a process 'officiating' the ownership of the wife.

Being Indian and having grown up among typically Indian families has given me enough evidence that marriage is more often than not an enforcement of patriarchy. The gender inequality is still strong and rampant in many Indian families, even in Malaysia, even in a city like Kuala Lumpur. It is strangely ironic that some of the most successful women in my extended family are the ones who are as yet unmarried, either out of reluctance or simple disregard. Such women are vilified as being incomplete, shames to their parents, etc, despite the fact that they are mostly highly educated, self-sufficient and independent (that's a tad repetitive, ain't it?).

When we look at societies where there are significant advancements in terms of empowerment and gender equality, we find that the institution of marriage is almost broken down completely. It is not an obvious process; what we do notice is the increased occurrence of couples who prefer to stay unmarried and the exponentially increasing divorce rate. Divorce rates are much higher in countries where women are more liberated. Coincidence? You decide.

Marriage is ridiculous. It is childish. It is demeaning and totally useless. Only people who need to prove their false power and control seek it. Either that or women who have little girl fantasies about wedding parties (now that was indeed a very mean and sexist thing to say, but I feel it might help make us re-think our perceptions of the whole idea of marriage). If two people, any two mature adults who have enough wisdom, want to be together, they do not need to put it down on a paper or make a public announcement that they are officially married. They can do so, no problem there, but as a celebration, and not as a contract of bondage. The meaning of marriage should change, its importance needs to be diminished for it to mean anything good. In the context of true human relationships, it should mean nothing more than a name.