Upon Stained Shallows

I have lost count of the times when I have mentioned how important it is for us to examine ourselves. Repeatedly. The only reason I do it is because we rarely do so. It is so frustrating to see how we almost always tend to look for answers from others. There is this frightening ease with which we point our fingers accusingly to everyone else except ourselves. Even the most ignorant among us seem to be highly skilled at the art of blaming, or maybe their ignorance is their source of the behavior.

It is dangerous to say the least. Not just to ourselves, but to others as well. I wish, at times, that I could grab each person and scream at their faces to just LOOK at themselves for a moment, before they open their mouths or raise their fingers. LOOK at all that they are risking. Why is it so hard for us to just shut up and observe instead? There is so much we can learn, so much we can experience and understand, if we only know how to listen, feel, sense, taste, and hear. We can gain so much more when we listen compared to when we talk. There is so much we can absorb simply by staying quiet and paying attention to everything around us, instead of being so bloody self-absorbed and noticing only ourselves.

Young people seem to be the worse in this sense. Whether it is teens or young adults, we just seem to not care about anything except ourselves. Being selfish is bad enough because it is insensitive and hurtful at times, but looking at it from a deeper perspective, being selfish is quite possibly the worst thing we could do to ourselves. By being selfish, we are hurting ourselves in a really bad way. By being self-absorbed, we are literally cutting off any chance we have of actually LEARNING and GROWING. In other words, we are retarding ourselves. When we forget how to observe, we stagnate.

It is not easy to get rid of that self-absorbency of ours. It is not something obvious; like all such problems, it subtle and insidious. It exists in the little things that we do and say. It shows itself every time we react too quickly at a comment about us, every time we instinctively think of ways to benefit ourselves, every time we channel our anger at someone or something else, and every time we lift that painful finger accusingly. The biggest challenge, which is also the first step in ridding ourselves of this disease, is to hold back. We need to push back that selfish thoughts that crop up, no matter how tempting it might be. Reserving judgment and withholding blame are just as important. The second step, which is relatively easier, is to find peace with ourselves. This is very much the source of ALL our problems; our lack of inner peace. We may think we are angry at a lot of things, that stress is due to a lot of factors, but honestly, there is only one reason. We are angry with ourselves because we are unable to find any peace within. There are too many worries, too many unanswered questions and doubts, and dissatisfaction with what we have. I do not have any solution for this; I only know that it helps me when I tell myself that everything I need is already there and everything else is a bonus. The trick, I guess, is to come to terms with what it means to need something. Sometimes, it is easy to want something so bad that it becomes an apparent need, especially when everyone else has it but we do not.

It is precisely at times like this that we need to really delve deep and figure out what is it we really need. This is the important part; I cannot stress this enough.

THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE INSTEAD OF WHAT YOU DON'T FUCKING HAVE.

Think about those who DON'T have what you have. Learn to understand the difference between needs and wants and then maybe we might find that inner peace that we lack.

Funny how this post seems so similar to the one before...

What are we but grown up children with big toys?

Truly, we seem to be just that. Children, clever, yet perhaps lacking any true wisdom. In our hands we hold big toys that wreak mayhem and destruction rather than anything good. The only thing that is different between actual children and the so-called grown ups is that the latter do not have a parental figure to guide and show them the way. No one to tell us what is right and wrong; no one to show us the error of our ways. What we assume to be the order, the way things are meant to be, is merely that; an assumption. We use our toys as means to achieving such ends that only exist in our minds and our assumption based objectives.

There is no absolute truth that we can discern. There are excuses. There are misguided, delusional, and misdirected beliefs; but is there really any way to tell the difference? As far as one can tell, the answer would have to be no. Yet, here we are, with centuries of civilization and progress behind us, still allowing ourselves to be dictated by 'codes' of propriety and 'orders' that are more arbitrary and convenient rather than truly functional and meaningful in a greater context. We are self-serving, more interested in making our own lives more comfortable and pleasurable than anything else. What is convenient is considered good and that is all that matters. We only really care about making things easier for ourselves and finding ways to greater entertainment and pleasure as well as doing whatever it takes to fit in with everyone else. Cost is not relevant; we would do whatever it takes to attain such a state. At the very core of this reality is our selfish tendencies.

We seem to be consumed by this behavior of selfishness. Some even take the stand that it is our inherent nature to be selfish; to want things for ourselves. The concept of property and ownership stems from the very fact that we belief that it is our right to horde. Our gods might be different, our religions and faiths equally so, but central to every one of these things is the fact that they are all focused on serving our own peculiar individual needs. We do not see a problem or an issue unless it directly involves us; otherwise it is somebody else's problem and we simply could not care less. As long as our own comfort and security is not affected, as long as our homes are not violated, to hell with the rest.

The idea of a home; a place of refuge, shelter and security is something that has roots deep within our souls. It is not merely the need for a roof over our heads. Deep inside, the concept bears far greater implications. As living creatures capable of being self-aware, we find ourselves thrown into this existence and left to our own machinations. Naturally, the greatest of human fears, that of emptiness, consumes us. Emptiness in terms of meaning, purpose and eventually the void of loneliness takes charge of us and influences our every action. Unable to find an answer within ourselves, unable to face the empty uncertainty and the lack of control in our lives, we force the issue by finding a little spot on earth, build a fence around it, pick up a weapon and defend it with our lives. We will never allow anyone or anything to violate or enter that spot without our permission. For all hopes and purposes, that spot is ours to do what we will.

That concept or ownership over something outside us is so pervasive that we even legalize it. We make it acceptable. It is right, it is true that we should own things. If someone else touches or takes what is 'rightfully' ours, then they should be punished. We all believe this. No one in their supposedly sane mind would say otherwise. Odd, is it not, that this very basic of human beliefs, that of ownership and property, comes from the fact that we are nothing but selfish and fearful little organisms?

From this then comes the need to attain what others have. Envy, greed and jealousy begin to take form and we slowly but surely find ourselves unable to find satisfaction because we can only see what others have but we do not. We can never be happy with what we have as long as someone else has something that we believe to be better. Someone's spot on the earth happens to have better soil than our own, even though we have more than enough resources provided to fulfill our needs. We still want more, because otherwise we would be considered inferior. Hence, the whole circus begins.

What are these things that I speak about? It could be anything and everything. Our little ones, the children, fight over toys, the playground and the biggest slices of cake. We, the grown ups, do the same from the smallest of things to the biggest; from cellphones and cars to nations and weapons of mass destruction. We want these things for our own, though we do not need them. Why? Because they make us feel a little bit safer? Because they can make our lives better? Or is it simply because they can take our minds off the main problem at hand; the fact that we are not able to find any peace or satisfaction inside our own souls?

Imagine this; we do not own anything. The world does not belong to us. We belong to it. Nothing beyond our physical selves belongs to us. That spot on the earth that we build a roof over does not belong to us. Instead of sucking up every ounce of life and energy from the rest of the environment to fortify our own needs, we work on nurturing the world that we belong to. When we put up a roof and build a shelter, it does not belong to us. It is just what it is, a shelter. Where any that needs shelter may go. It belongs to no one. If it is not nurtured, if it is not cared for, it will die. That is what our world is. That is what life is. The only way to realize any of this is to first seek an answer within ourselves because the only thing that we can control, the only thing that we can call our own, is ourselves. The answers to the emptiness that we so desperately seek lie within, not outside. The outside world knows how to take care of itself, but if we are not careful, and if we do not start taking care of this gift that we have been given, then we might not find anything but emptiness at the end of the day.

Back from short hiatus to nowhereland... which involved lots of lying around, lazing about and television... good stuff, or maybe not. Good football though.

yeah..will type something else later... the whole internet down thing is a reason not to come online much... takes too long... not that I'm dying from lack of time... right.

ciao