The Anthem

I've been living with these feelings lately,

they've been getting worse lately,

I think oyu've been dishonest lately,

playing with our lives irresponsibly,

So much hope, burnt to ash,

Don't destroy what we have left

Not listening to what they say,

taking the only chance i get,

leavin us with hell to pay,

on the days we lost.

I'm sinin our sick, sad, anthem

You haven't come over here laetly,

you're always going to bed lately,

i know you've been so cold lately,

don't know you've been acting crazy

I feel locked up inside,

Don't want to be played with anymore

chorus

Memories of Sunset

Do you recall all the times we spent?

Just laying back, talking shit, withoput a care?

back when things were simple, when you were here?

hell, i miss those times, now that you're away

We used to dream and breathe like one,

even when we spent our nights alone at home,

you were always on my mind, my only one

even now, when i know that you're gone

I'm still waiting,

For you to come back

So we can go back,

Back to the living

Do you think about our late night drives?

In my old car, we'd go wherever we liked,

come back late night, we'd sneak in and make out,

we'd whisper sweet promises to one another

chorus

I keep falling into our sunset memories,

I keep falling

in love with you.

Gotta Let Go

How long can we keep doing this,

Sooner or later one of us,

is bound to fall to pieces,

coz we just can't seem to get along.

I'd like to think that everything's okay,

we only argue coz we give a damn,

but i can't help but notice,

you ride my back for the hell of it.

Keep telling me how to live my life,

it's your turn to listen

You've gotta stop,

You've gotta leave,

This must stop,

we gotta let go.

You've caused me so many sleepless nights,

wallowing in self-doubt,

freaking out when i think of tomorow,

fall asleep afraid might wake up

chorus

When was the last time we laughed together?

all we do is snap at each other's throats,

will things go back to the way they were?

will we drift off like lonely floats?

I have been so many people, I have been so many mistakes, so many numbers, I have been so many stranghts and so many flaws. I have been through a lot and and I have been through nothing.
But I have my identity. No one will touch that, no one can change that... I belong to Allry.
Today began with me waking up feeling oddly sad. Then again, the thought of leaving my love every morning can make me sad anytime, but something was different today. I woke feeling a something bad was going to happen today.
I did not do well in my major exam, the first part of it anyway, and I've had to put up with some shit from a lecturer as well as minor headaches. I am annoyed at not getting what i was expecting, as in I got a C in my Biology when I was expecting an A. I don't know what went wrong where, but I know this is not a good thing. Anyways, I guess what's done is done and i have to move on.
I managed to pull through again because of my dearest. I don't know how long I can survive without my baby, she means so much to me and I so miss her.
I have no real heart to write tonight.... maybe tomorrow

Hey again....
So what shall i write about today. Nothing much happened of any traumatic or deep significance, so i'll just make a brief summary before moving on. Had a pretty average weekend. On Saturday, i spent nearly the entire day with my butt firmly planted on the seat in front of my computer. Of course, I was just doing homework with the music on(or so is the excuse i gave my mom, hehehe...) No really, I'm just kidding. I was studying...among other things. I think I'm really starting to like this new machine of mine, which I built up with a budget in mind. You know, a good planned attempt at buying a new cpu can really bring decent benefits. I built mine up for a little more than a thousand five hundred dollars, and it's one helluva machine.
So, yeah, I had a good time with it. I have only had it for like two weeks, to be precise, so , hell, i have a right to enjoy my baby, right? I wasn't really doing anything huge, just ripping songs and playing a few games and finishing my homework. I'm not lying when I said I was at it the entire day. Oh,no, wait...Not true. I did get off to do a few other things. Like watch the final of the Asian Football Cup between the holders Japan and the host nation, China. It was a rather one-sided match, really, Japan being a little too experienced for the Chinese, which I guess is understandable considering the standard of Japanese football being years ahead of that of the Chinese, no disrespect to the Chinese of course. The Japanese have been there and done it all before, so they were always going to be the favourites.
During the match, I was also busy exchanging messages with my best friend, or rather, my brother. We were talking about the usual things men talk about...women. Hahaha... it was fun.
For me at least, cause I'm pretty sure he was experiencing a serious case of hyper-ventilation. It doesn't take a genius to figure out who exactly was having the girl-related problems. Actually, problems isn't the right word. More like issues.
Anyway, that was how my Saturday went. As you can see, it wasn't anything special.
I am an artist. What is my art? well, i have a couple. I like creative writing. That's been a passion of mine for as long as i can remember. It's a skill I have been honing since childhood, and I have managed to develop it into not only essays and fiction, but also into poetry and song-writing, the latter being the latest in my repertoire. Of course, song-writing being a new skill for me, I'm not that adept at it yet, but it's been a very good learning experience for me so far. It is a new way of self-expression which is both subtle and powerful at the same time, which is how I like to think of myself. Not very outwardly expressive, but I have my own thoughts and I like to share them this way. Song-writing has taught me how to play around with my thoughts and imaginings in ways I have never thought of before. These come through rhymes, timing, syllable-counts, among others. I find myself being more creative in a sense that I constantly try to think of various situations to place myself in in order to come up with the sketches for my songs.
There is also another part to the entire song-writing thing. Ever since I began my foray into making music, I have found a new perspective on music appreciation. As it is, I'm a huge music fan, which I'm sure is pretty prevalent in a lot of the things I do write. Recently, I have been able to enjoy the music of other artists with a different level of perception. By delving deeper into the words of a song in order to sate my curiousity, I find myself often left in awe and pure amazement at the skill and finesse of people like Sarah Mclachlan, Jewel, and all those music bands out there. Most recently is a band who came out with their sophomore effort, The Calling. I can't help but be impressed by the sheer consistent quality of Two, their latest album. It's very, very good, in terms of the songwriting and the musical progressions. The vocal stylings of Alex Band is as distinct as ever, as is the sound of the band, which has always been a little orchestral, now with the added kick of piano as well. Overall, it is an album that belongs on everyone's cd-rack.
Okay, so enough with all that... I want to talk about something that occured to me lately.
Anyone who reads the news, watches the news, whatever will definitely be aware that a lot of bad things are going on nowadays, not just locally, but everywhere in the world it seems. War, terror, depravity, you name it, it's happening. It's odd as to why it's all happening at the same time, as if civilisation just decided to take a vacation and leave humanity in hell. People are killing each other for no apparent reason other than their own selfish causes, their religion, faith..whatever. Some kill for power, money, revenge or just because they have plain lost it. To tell you the truth, that's not what i'm trying to point out. It's something else. Its the media. People live in constant fear of the bad things, in fear of terror, because of all the things that our precious media spreads. I know some of you might be balking right now, but do hear me out. I know the media is important and so on, but is this really how it should be? The media, to me, is supposed to spread goodwill, hope and concern...not fear and terror. Why do people carry guns? Because they are filled with fear by the media. People are disillusioned with the world, with life in general, because all they see everyday is the bad things that go on. It can make the most optimistic of us lose hope. I mean, what the hell... videos of people being beheaded? come on.... what the heck are we? we are supposed to be higher than animals, not lower.... What kind of faith or religion encourages that? I'm not even a person of any religion and I know that.
WHat kind of impression does this create? WHat kind of message is being passed on by the media? It's lost somewhere in the constant struggle for sensational scandals and potential gold-mines. No one seems to worry about the repercussions of all their actions anymore.
I really can't say much more than turn off your news, and stuff. Get out of your house, go hang out with the people you love, read a good book, write music, have fun...treat everyone like your brother or sister. Imagine if everyone were to do this....

Hey , ya'll...whoever you are who happens to be reading this. I'm not quite sure why anyone would be reading my web journal, since there really isn't nothing much in here except the usual angsty, annoyed, depressed teen bullshit that you can pretty much get out of your average modern society. Guess it does not matter to any appreciable extent, simply because i doubt anyone actually reads any of this stuff anyway. It's alright...i don't really care. I just need this as an outlet to express myself, and knowing that no one is actually going to take the time to read the stuff that I post here is somewhat comforting and liberating, becuase i feel i can say whatever I want.
Well, if you did somehow manage to stumble across this journal of mine, cheerios to you. I hope you get a good read, though i don't really see how. Try my poetry, it's not as depressing as some of the other things I put in here...hahaha....trust me, it get's pretty darn sad pretty fast. But don't get me wrong..I'm not always like this. I'm just your average guy who likes the normal kind of things, who makes decisions like everyone else and just like everyone else, I happen to have a lot of pent-up stuff. This is my channel to venting all those unspoken thoughts and feelings. Yeah, like you haven't heard that before.
I was thinking about getting a little more graphic with my posting, since I noticed that a lot of my past work has been rather abstract. It is like watching a life pass by in nothing more than beeps of differing rythms, like an unclear picture that tries to tell a story only using the intensity of its many colours. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll leave it at, I'm thinking about writing an actual honest-to-algae journal, and not some picasso rendition of a goth-rock telenovella, whatever that is. I'll try and totally spill the shit that goes on in my life everyday...not that it is very interesting, but I guess it's a good way to go about things. Well, better than any other way I can think of anyway.
Okay, so where do I start? Maybe a really shocking statement to get everyone's attention, soemthing that might wake up those of you who are already asleep by this time. How about.... I am in love with a woman but i haven't found her. I know this young angel who came into my life and saved me a long, long time ago. I fell in love with her , for she breathed a little tiny bit of her own life into me, and I'm forever hers. The best part is, I have never physically seen her yet. Seroisly, I haven't found her yet. I know that if the person reading this happens to be a friend of mine, I've got a lot of explaining to do, but for some reason, I don't mind. The thing is, I have been in love for SO long, I have forgotten how it feels to be not in love. It's like my entire life has been a lovesick one, like I'm not even half of who I'm meant to be because I haven't found the one who makes me feel complete. I won't say her name cause that would be a little too much of a risk.
I am a debater by the way. You know, it's one of those things in life where you just got to stop and wonder, "what the fuck am i doing here? what am i gonna do with my life?" sometimes, we lose our direction momentarily. I get that a lot. I sometimes forget all the things I am and feel completely worthless, like a pimple on a teenager's face. Debating is something I'm good at. Well, probably not very good at, but, hey, I'm gifted and I'm definitely on the up-and-coming list. More importantly, I love doing it. Plus, I get to meet fun people, who are...well, I wouldn't say like me, but more as in people who speeak my lingo, who I feel free communicating with. It's all because we debaters are extremely open-minded citizens who love talking and discussing. Mind you, I'm not much of a talker(seriously), but I like expressing my thoughts, especially when I feel that I have soemthing importantn to share. I can't always do this, because of the people around me at times, but with the debaters, I can.
I have a dream. Well, I have many dreams actually. I want things in my life, things I need in order to survive and to make my life a meaningful one. I write and play music, at least I'm beginning to learn how to do so. I have a band, a small one, but a band nonetheless. We make good music, music that we like playing. It's hard work and we find it hard to make time for us because of other commitments but we still try.
Going back to what i was saying earlier, about the girl I'm searching for my entire lfe, I just want to mention the fact that I am often in a situation where I think I meet someone and sniff a chance, however slight, that there was something. So far, all of it had been wrong, misguided, or failed. But I know they are not her. Recently, I met someone new, from the debates I've been going to in college. Someone who is nice, kind, and reminiscent of someone else...hahhaa... I dare not hold my breath, for I know better than to get my hopes up too high. I am hoping to see where all this leads to, but you have my word I'll post as much as i can in my little webjournal.
ciao.