Ah, To Be Gay Again!

The word gay has been so corrupted and abused that it probably has more rights to go for a discrimination claim than any living being on earth. It is the perfect example of a word that had nothing but entirely positive and innocent connotations but has somehow become the label of despair, anguish, bitterness and insult.

Something came to me the other day. It had a lot to do with this weird way that we look at human relationships, and it made me a little bit upset. It began with a thought that I had, about how it would be if a supposedly homosexual person were to find themselves falling in love with a member of the opposite sex. Then I started to think about what homosexuality means, and this was followed by me thinking about what being in love with another person means.

There it was, then; there was no real connection between the two.

The weird thing is, many gay couples are making a huge effort of fighting for equal opportunities and privileges as so-called straight couples. You know... right to marry, right to have equal legal representation, etc... Do NOT misunderstand, I am not opposed in any way to homosexuality. This is NOT an anti-homosexuality rant. My support is fully behind their cause and choice of lifestyle.

This is not really about that, though. What has been on my mind is this idea and perception. In a nutshell, this is the problem; I think that we have put way too much effort into creating boundaries and labels on relationships that they have lost their integrity- lost in translation, if you will. These things no longer mean what they were supposed to mean, just like the word 'gay'.

Maybe an example of this might be clearer. If two people were to claim that they love each other, and happen to be of the same gender, does this make them gay? Simple, rather seemingly stupid question, right? Obviously the answer is no. Best friends can love each other, siblings can love each other, family can love each other. A person's sex has really nothing to do with their capacity to love... right? Now, what is the difference between a gay couple and a straight couple? Assuming both are loving, caring relationships, the only difference would be the sex of the individuals, obviously. What is the difference between two men who call themselves best friends and two men who call themselves lovers?

This second question is not as easy to answer as it might seem. What defines being gay and what defines love? Is my love for a best friend who is of the same sex different from the love between a gay couple? How is this love different?

I am sure there are plenty of people who would jump up to respond to those questions, but before that, I think we should be aware that we cannot, by any means, actually measure such things. We definitely cannot sub-divide or categorize love and somehow try to rank it by value. A gay couple, straight couple or a couple of close friends certainly cannot argue that their love for each other is stronger or better than the others. More to the point, none can really argue that their love is even DIFFERENT, because we cannot possibly know what that difference is in the first place. We just give them names and labels and suddenly it is fine.

Seriously, the only difference between one type of love and another is the weird definitions and labels we give them to validate our own needs to make sense of things. I realize that there are many boundaries and rules to the relationship that I have with my best friend that are in place simply because of taboo and stigma... there are restrictions and rules that cannot be crossed or two guys are suddenly deemed to be gay (it's the whole Frodo and Sam thing). We put these rules in place just so we can sate our own need to create a box for such things.

Truly, what sets a gay couple apart from a couple of best friends? I would love to have a valid answer to this, but I cannot seem to find one beyond sex. This is a very demeaning way of describing a relationship between people.

Basically, the only definition for a gay couple is two people of the same sex having sex.

This troubles me, but not because of the 'same sex having sex' thing. It troubles me because there are people who are fighting for the sake of something that can only be defined by bringing 'sex' into the picture (sex as in the verb, not the noun). To be fair, it applies to straight couples as well... what's different about two members of the opposite sex who are 'best friends' and 'lovers'? Assuming, of course, there is love involved in both relationships.

I am guessing there will be a fair number of people out there who will respond to this very angrily by saying "love is not something you should try and define... gay people are just as loving as straight couples, and that love is something that is to be respected, not defined and labelled"... . Before you do decide to blast me with that, please do note that I do not believe that love holds to any definition, and I strongly believe that love is love regardless of how one chooses to look at it. I also believe we should not try and separate and categorize love. This is why this issue is so confusing.

If love is something that cannot be defined and measured, then why is it that some relationships are given more value than others? Why do straight couples have all these benefits and privileges given to them, but not gay couples? On the other hand, what right do either of these groups have in claiming ANY type of privilege or benefit? What makes them so different from anyone who is in love? SEX? Just because I choose to have sex with somebody, I have special rights? Even more so if that person is of the opposite sex?

Whichever way we look at it, somebody ends up getting hurt because their relationship becomes devalued and demeaned. If love is really something that should never be defined and measured, then what is gay, what is straight, and what is friendship? If we do try to categorize love, then these relationships will always be unequal and someone will always end up getting hurt and discriminated against, whether it is the gay couple who are trying to buy a house in a community that refuses them, a straight couple who are trying to figure out who gets the kids after the divorce, or the two best friends who struggle to come to grips with societies rules.

There is a question that I hope someone might be able to answer:

Is it possible for a person to fall in love with anyone regardless of their sexual orientation? (I mean, no holds barred love..none of that chicken-crap dawdling type)

GO... and a Happy New Year!