Random Mumblings
So I went to my childhood hometown for the weekend, two weeks into the new college semester, and that is something I would normally avoid doing, mostly because it is very far away and I usually have too much work to take a weekend off. However, I went anyway. I guess I could not resist going, since it was a good excuse as any that decided it. I have a niece, a cute little dynamite, a genius on some X, and she was getting her ear pierced. She is only six by the way. And did I mention she was incredibly cute. Well, anyway, the two of us have a special attachment to each other, probably because her mom, who is my first cousin, pretty much brought me up when I was a kid, and hence I am, in a way, passing it on to her kid.
The ear-piercing ceremony for young girls is particularly special in the Indian Hindu community as it has a lot of spiritual connotations (of which I do not know much about). Suffice to know that it is carried out with great aplomb and grandeur. It is customary that the niece sits on her Uncle's lap while the piercing is done. Now, my niece has an uncle, her mother's brother. Yet, I was invited to be a second uncle, which is a break from tradition. In other words, she sat on my lap while her left ear was pierced. Cool, huh?
For those of you who know me, this might come as a surprise. I am not a religious person and I usually hate all forms of religious customs and practices. Well, I don't hate them, I just don't really like being forced into any of them. For one thing, I stopped being Hindu a long time ago and unfortunately there are members of my family who still live under the impression that I'm still Hindu. I cannot bother explaining to them because it will be a pain and all I will get is blank confused stares followed by angry comments about how I am going to hell and God is going to smite me down.
This time was different. I did not mind the customs and stuff. I did not mind being made to wear traditional clothes. For once, I got to be part of a special ritual for a person I love very much. I know that I could not interfere nor stop the ritual because of my own beliefs, and to be honest, I did not want to. The ceremony was special in a different way, because here I was with this little child who has always looked up to me as her best friend and brother, and I was her anchor during a very special rite of passage in her life. That was all that mattered. It was wonderful. Oh yes, that and the fact that there was a lot of crying when her ears were pierced. Still, it was me who held her and calmed her down, so for those brief moments, I could not have wished to be anywhere else in the universe... my only regret was that... hmm... I'll stop here.
It makes me think. I keep coming back to this same question over and over again, probably because it is the only question that truly matters. What exactly do we all want in life? For me, the answer has been coming in gradual and potent amounts, with a significance larger than anything I have ever felt before. I do not know for sure how much it applies to everyone else, but I am fairly certain that it is the same to some extent, regardless of who we are and what we might say on the outside. The most important thing to us, living beings, is the fear of being alone. Not just physically, but the complete void of loneliness that comes from our shutting out those around us. We cannot stand that, no matter what we say. I fear loneliness more than anything, because when I am lonely, I do not see the point to my existence. Some of us may have tried to reach out at various points in our lives, and found that it hurt, when we are betrayed and lied to. So, we withdraw, and we substitute living companionship to that of material possession. We say that as long as we are rich, we do not have to worry about whether we have others or not. I don't know, maybe they are right, maybe it works for some. I know that it does not work for me. No amount of material wealth could alleviate the loneliness I would feel, and the sheer mortal terror I would feel if I did not have the ones I love close to me. I guess, in a way, I am saying that I would not give up the handful of beings in my life whom I love more than anything for any amount of wealth. I could go broke and be destitute, but I would still find happiness as long as I had these beings with me, these beautiful souls that make my life such a pleasure to live, despite the hard times that come sometimes. Those special moments I share with them are the reasons why I live... and will continue living.
The ear-piercing ceremony for young girls is particularly special in the Indian Hindu community as it has a lot of spiritual connotations (of which I do not know much about). Suffice to know that it is carried out with great aplomb and grandeur. It is customary that the niece sits on her Uncle's lap while the piercing is done. Now, my niece has an uncle, her mother's brother. Yet, I was invited to be a second uncle, which is a break from tradition. In other words, she sat on my lap while her left ear was pierced. Cool, huh?
For those of you who know me, this might come as a surprise. I am not a religious person and I usually hate all forms of religious customs and practices. Well, I don't hate them, I just don't really like being forced into any of them. For one thing, I stopped being Hindu a long time ago and unfortunately there are members of my family who still live under the impression that I'm still Hindu. I cannot bother explaining to them because it will be a pain and all I will get is blank confused stares followed by angry comments about how I am going to hell and God is going to smite me down.
This time was different. I did not mind the customs and stuff. I did not mind being made to wear traditional clothes. For once, I got to be part of a special ritual for a person I love very much. I know that I could not interfere nor stop the ritual because of my own beliefs, and to be honest, I did not want to. The ceremony was special in a different way, because here I was with this little child who has always looked up to me as her best friend and brother, and I was her anchor during a very special rite of passage in her life. That was all that mattered. It was wonderful. Oh yes, that and the fact that there was a lot of crying when her ears were pierced. Still, it was me who held her and calmed her down, so for those brief moments, I could not have wished to be anywhere else in the universe... my only regret was that... hmm... I'll stop here.
It makes me think. I keep coming back to this same question over and over again, probably because it is the only question that truly matters. What exactly do we all want in life? For me, the answer has been coming in gradual and potent amounts, with a significance larger than anything I have ever felt before. I do not know for sure how much it applies to everyone else, but I am fairly certain that it is the same to some extent, regardless of who we are and what we might say on the outside. The most important thing to us, living beings, is the fear of being alone. Not just physically, but the complete void of loneliness that comes from our shutting out those around us. We cannot stand that, no matter what we say. I fear loneliness more than anything, because when I am lonely, I do not see the point to my existence. Some of us may have tried to reach out at various points in our lives, and found that it hurt, when we are betrayed and lied to. So, we withdraw, and we substitute living companionship to that of material possession. We say that as long as we are rich, we do not have to worry about whether we have others or not. I don't know, maybe they are right, maybe it works for some. I know that it does not work for me. No amount of material wealth could alleviate the loneliness I would feel, and the sheer mortal terror I would feel if I did not have the ones I love close to me. I guess, in a way, I am saying that I would not give up the handful of beings in my life whom I love more than anything for any amount of wealth. I could go broke and be destitute, but I would still find happiness as long as I had these beings with me, these beautiful souls that make my life such a pleasure to live, despite the hard times that come sometimes. Those special moments I share with them are the reasons why I live... and will continue living.
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