Hey , ya'll...whoever you are who happens to be reading this. I'm not quite sure why anyone would be reading my web journal, since there really isn't nothing much in here except the usual angsty, annoyed, depressed teen bullshit that you can pretty much get out of your average modern society. Guess it does not matter to any appreciable extent, simply because i doubt anyone actually reads any of this stuff anyway. It's alright...i don't really care. I just need this as an outlet to express myself, and knowing that no one is actually going to take the time to read the stuff that I post here is somewhat comforting and liberating, becuase i feel i can say whatever I want.
Well, if you did somehow manage to stumble across this journal of mine, cheerios to you. I hope you get a good read, though i don't really see how. Try my poetry, it's not as depressing as some of the other things I put in here...hahaha....trust me, it get's pretty darn sad pretty fast. But don't get me wrong..I'm not always like this. I'm just your average guy who likes the normal kind of things, who makes decisions like everyone else and just like everyone else, I happen to have a lot of pent-up stuff. This is my channel to venting all those unspoken thoughts and feelings. Yeah, like you haven't heard that before.
I was thinking about getting a little more graphic with my posting, since I noticed that a lot of my past work has been rather abstract. It is like watching a life pass by in nothing more than beeps of differing rythms, like an unclear picture that tries to tell a story only using the intensity of its many colours. I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'll leave it at, I'm thinking about writing an actual honest-to-algae journal, and not some picasso rendition of a goth-rock telenovella, whatever that is. I'll try and totally spill the shit that goes on in my life everyday...not that it is very interesting, but I guess it's a good way to go about things. Well, better than any other way I can think of anyway.
Okay, so where do I start? Maybe a really shocking statement to get everyone's attention, soemthing that might wake up those of you who are already asleep by this time. How about.... I am in love with a woman but i haven't found her. I know this young angel who came into my life and saved me a long, long time ago. I fell in love with her , for she breathed a little tiny bit of her own life into me, and I'm forever hers. The best part is, I have never physically seen her yet. Seroisly, I haven't found her yet. I know that if the person reading this happens to be a friend of mine, I've got a lot of explaining to do, but for some reason, I don't mind. The thing is, I have been in love for SO long, I have forgotten how it feels to be not in love. It's like my entire life has been a lovesick one, like I'm not even half of who I'm meant to be because I haven't found the one who makes me feel complete. I won't say her name cause that would be a little too much of a risk.
I am a debater by the way. You know, it's one of those things in life where you just got to stop and wonder, "what the fuck am i doing here? what am i gonna do with my life?" sometimes, we lose our direction momentarily. I get that a lot. I sometimes forget all the things I am and feel completely worthless, like a pimple on a teenager's face. Debating is something I'm good at. Well, probably not very good at, but, hey, I'm gifted and I'm definitely on the up-and-coming list. More importantly, I love doing it. Plus, I get to meet fun people, who are...well, I wouldn't say like me, but more as in people who speeak my lingo, who I feel free communicating with. It's all because we debaters are extremely open-minded citizens who love talking and discussing. Mind you, I'm not much of a talker(seriously), but I like expressing my thoughts, especially when I feel that I have soemthing importantn to share. I can't always do this, because of the people around me at times, but with the debaters, I can.
I have a dream. Well, I have many dreams actually. I want things in my life, things I need in order to survive and to make my life a meaningful one. I write and play music, at least I'm beginning to learn how to do so. I have a band, a small one, but a band nonetheless. We make good music, music that we like playing. It's hard work and we find it hard to make time for us because of other commitments but we still try.
Going back to what i was saying earlier, about the girl I'm searching for my entire lfe, I just want to mention the fact that I am often in a situation where I think I meet someone and sniff a chance, however slight, that there was something. So far, all of it had been wrong, misguided, or failed. But I know they are not her. Recently, I met someone new, from the debates I've been going to in college. Someone who is nice, kind, and reminiscent of someone else...hahhaa... I dare not hold my breath, for I know better than to get my hopes up too high. I am hoping to see where all this leads to, but you have my word I'll post as much as i can in my little webjournal.
ciao.