DOes it make you want to turn to face me and tell me,
all the things that you never had a chance to say,
or is it just another fit of screaming that you wish to vent,
the same old decaying wails that you let on me every day...

It doesn't take much for you to see that i hate this,
yet, you keep turning blind wheneverit suits you,
regardless of the times i've looked away in pain and anger,
you keep using me and leave me with nowhere to turn to

I'm sick of being the one listening wordlessly to you,
will you even remember my name when you're done?
if this is your twisted, corrupt, illusion of a love,
then i want it no more, i want you to be gone...

Like Raindrops on the Windscreen

Moments pass by, sometimes completely unnoticed, as days melt nto weeks, and weeks into months; time flows past like the tiny droplets of rain washing of the windscreen of my little car. As we drive past places I have known, but never before seen in this light, the light of your company, the light of your eyes, where the world is more than what it used to be and I see everything for the first time once more; deep breaths of fresh air, and pure rays of sunlight.

Passing by the buildings and streets of a memory long-standing, feeling for a moment as though time has slowed down to a crawl and the rest of the world is at a standstill, stopping to gaze at you and me as we gaze at the rest of the world. An ethereal peace that overcomes, saturates... a flood of bliss, spreading and rolling, like raindrops on the windscreen...

These moments I feel only with you. These feelings that I have never known before, yet feel so natural and right...so perfect, I do not want them to ever end. Safety, shelter, home in a tiny moving car... our sanctuary is in each other, two drifters off on another adventure. Nothing can possibly be better than this, nothing could feel more perfect.

Tell me everything that you see,
with those deep brown eyes,
everything you see that passes you by,
as you stand still by the windows
of your so-called unloved life

If you'd only take the time to see,
that its not as lonely as you think,
it seems as if you see everything else,
except the one who is standing here,
right in front of you...

I'm no illusion,
I'm no lie,
I'm letting you know now,
I'm here till I die...

Capture the still frame of your heart,
break it to a thousand shards,
and melt the pieces to put back together,
maybe then you can open those dark eyes,
and feel the warmth fill you...

Tell me with those eyes of yours,
if what you see is real now,
tell me this man in front of you,
is more than just an illusion,
that I am more than a lie...

I'm no illusion,
not a lie...

Between Places

"When trapped in a cage for very long time, the world can seem like a really big place" - Mr. Miyagi, The Next Karate Kid

Things change. Change has always been one of the defining traits of nature. It is inevitable; it cannot be stopped. Nothing is permanent. To seek preservation that defies this is to live in a non-existant reality. To stagnate is to to give a path of attack for decay. Change, for better or worse, can be both an ally and a fearsome foe. We may only do what we can with the time that is given to us, with the knowledge and experience and wisdom that we may ave acquired to face change, and the outcome... well, that is something nobody may be able to discern.

I have come to a point in my life where great changes are occuring. To me, and to those around me, as well as the world that I reside within. Then again, it would be wrong of me to think that great changes have not been constantly taking place; quite the contrary, the process never stops. No one, no single living being, may bethe judge of what is truly and ultimately right and wrong in the world, because no one truly has the ability to see the great picture; the great reality, if there is even such a thing. Ultimately, we may all only accomplish what seems right to us at the time. Yet, this is no reason to think that a person who commits a seemingly evil act may find justification by claiming no one really understands wht is right and wrong; it is our basic nature to want to survive, and to seek the best manner to survive. The best method of survival is not to eradicate our enemies and getting to the top. It is collectivity and cultivation. Both these methods advocate the process of change, yet unfortunately, due to our humanistic short-sightedness, we constantly seek the short term alternative of competition and survival of the fittest.

What happens when different, warring, entities collide in the field of battle, fighting over a limited resource? Someone wins and someone loses, and the winner gains control of the resource. However, the loser, the one who is pushed down, begins to adapt and rise back up to fight back and regain control, and the cycle goes on and on; the only definite is that the resource is being used up, uncultivated and dried up. Metaphoric and ambiguous though my description might be, but the real-world examples are aplenty that I will not bother to mention any at the moment. No, despite what some of us may think, competition is not the means to ultimate survival. It is a negative, destructive process of change that advocates one thing; loneliness and emptiness. At the end, there can only be one winner, and the world will become empty, void, corrupt, and the one who is at the winning end will feel only one thing for all their efforts; loneliness.

True survival, true adaptation to change requires a far more subtle method. It requires collectivity and cultivation. Everything that drives nature revolves around the cultivation of life. Nature changes constantly, yet the balance is so dynamic that eventually it creates this amazing element we call life. Life and death has always been a process of change that is neither positive nor negative; it is not about creation and destruction, but merely the way the balance of give-and-take works. Give-and-take is what keeps nature working the way it does, and we are constantly eroding it. Eroding it with our industry and capitalistic tendencies, our insatiable thirst for mass consumption and our careless use of nature's resources.

If we do not seek to change, if we do not learn that it is only through collectivity that we may survive in the long run, then there really is no hope for us.

But that is not what I came here to talk about.

It is change that I am seeking in my life right now. There are things that are running in my head, things that I think I should be doing, together with other things that I do not fully understand yet; this much I am sure, I am dissillusioned with the type of life I am living right now. I have had enough of living the way that the society around me wants me to; I am tired of searching for ambition, of competing, of meeting other's expectations. I am bored of the lifestyles that the people I know live. Bored of the life I am leading. I need a change.

It is not suicide I seek; I value the gift of life far too much for that. Recently, something truly wonderful and beautiful happened to me. Something that opened my eyes, something that opened the door of the cage that I have been trapped in for a long time, something that peeled off another layer of the rose-tinted glasses that I wear. It is true what some people say, that knowledge is more about discovering yourself rather than what is outside. I seek change; I have been inspired to seek it out by that miracle.

What that change is, I am not entirely sure; but I know that it is imminent.

The Psychological Theater

It is bewildering and mystifying the way the theater of the mind works. There are few forces as powerful as the mind; the imagination and the strength of emotion working in tandem can be incredible tools for those who know the art of using them. It can be used to create a host of perceived realities and illusions that seem as solid light; playing upon vulnerabilities, prejudices, biases, preferences, and other predispositions. These predispositions create avenues for those who can find them; avenues to create new possibilities, new emotions, and new behaviors that either play upon or against those afore-mentioned elements.

Such is the mechanism behind most forms of art. There is this incredible blending of imagination and emotion that creates this boundless, borderless world where anything is possible, far beyond the limitations of the physical world. A vast field where the mind roams, once the false borders and restrictions that are put in place are broke down. Psychological walls of beliefs and values that are inconsistent, irrational and ultimately unnecessary only hinder the mind from being what it can and should be; a world of its own, a world of elemental forces far greater than any in this ‘real’ world.

Such is the mechanism behind drama plays. The playwright creates the world; the actors become the psychological elements and forces that manipulate the audiences. What is the measure of a successful play? For me, it is the extent of the control that the actors are able to exert upon the minds of the audience. Unlike other forms of art, where the reader or listener or viewer is able to allow the mind to roam free, theater plays are all about manipulation and influence and control; the audience is never allowed to go further than what the actors would want them to. An interesting reversal of the entire concept of art; but then again, theater is not really art, is it? It becomes more an exercise of control and power. The script itself is a medium, a door that opens up possibilities; therefore it retains its artistic purity. However, when there are actors interpreting characters, and making decisions on what they want to portray, it becomes consolidated; it becomes established; it becomes structured. Power is established and control is exhibited.

Such control becomes integral for the play. Psychologically demanding plays such as mystery thrillers require a huge amount of control and depth of the part of the actors, who have to make sure that the audience only thinks in a pattern that they have already set, and not beyond. Every single realization, assumption and deceptions must be something the actors expect and set out, for only then can they establish the climax that they seek. Characters represent mediums for this form of control to be exerted. The audience will expect it; it is only when they are able to make judgments and think beyond the expectations of the actors that the play fails as they will automatically be disappointed. They want to be taken for a ride; they want the unpredictability that will give them a rush of emotions and feeling. That is what the actors should aim for.